At the beginning was Christ to sacrifice himself for the sake of all the human beings, and recently a new “christ” appeared faking to sacrifice his tortured soul for the tortured humanity. It is stupid to play the christ, (sometimes its a crime you commit against yourself when you help others) but the Bedouin did it for a long time before he felt it’s time to retire. Did Christ retire 2000 years ago? I don’t know but I cant follow the very steps of the Real Christ because I would die at the age of 30 and I don’t want that gloomy fate!!
Why the hell should I play the christ and spend my little money for that Lady that I never met? It is not only that Lady, but it is a style of repenting for the uncommitted guilts, and the sense of deep guilt was born with me to doom my life till I retired lately and gave my “soft heart” an endless vacation till I die, actually I am intending to fire him specially when I meet the mean people, not only the racist zionists but also my beloved people of the street!!!
The story started, as usual, ages ago, when I was still that little “christ” torturing his life for the sake of humanity!!!
Probably you don’t know that at every Palestinian city there is a big market for second-hand commodities, (שוק הבשבושים) in slang Hebrew, where everybody seeks his own unique interests. At that time I was looking for a new computer better than my old 486 one, specially after I got a valuable salary after working hard in construction for a whole month. That Saturday (should I call it black Saturday?), I went downtown looking meticulously for a new brand computer (the hell, nobody can find a new-brand computer in a second-hand market) and I found lots of rubbish stacked on the dusty pavements of the that jammed street.
I was surprised to see an “upper-class” Lady getting out of her Mercedes car to scavenge like me, I the poor boy of the street, but after that I discover that she is fascinated (actually crazy about) by the old ornaments and paintings of which you would find stacks in that dusty market.
Finally I saw a computer, not a brand new one like that in my mind, but a good one that would suffice, and for my good luck it was so cheep, less than half the price, and I got it and went home happily to discover that I had to play the role of the little ”christ” again!!!
I was astonished to open the computer and look into the folders and profiles stacked in there; reports, researches, arab names, jewish names, places, phone numbers, saved emails with names and addressed, unfinished researches, open letters…. And all what you can imagine to be found on a personal computer of a university professor!!! The hell, how come all that is still there. But I knew that half of the commodities in that damn dusty market are stolen, and this Pentium-1 computer was stolen!!
I read a lot of the emails and the research and it took me long hours to know, almost everything of that Lady; phone number, address, work phone numbers, friends… etc,… and I felt she was so poor to lose her personal computer, her whole life. Oh, sweet lady! I am so sorry that that happened to you, and the little “christ” in me was awaken!!
The next day, I phoned her trembling, not from my cell, but from a public phone:
christ: hello, can I talk to Geveret Elana? (just like in newspapers I will say, the name is preserved.)
christ: probably you don’t know me (the hell, why “probably”, for sure she doesn’t know who the hell you are, little crazy Bedouin.)
christ: I don’t know, but I found your computer! Probably stolen (the hell, “probably” again! For sure it was stolen!)
Elana: Oh, you do? Who are you? How much you want for the whole things you took (stole)?
christ: What? It is just a computer, Pentium-1. Sorry Lady, I am not a thief. I just wanted to help, and even I paid to buy it.
christ: sorry Elana! Are you still there?
Elana: Yes, yes! We need all the things; the cameras, the two computers, the bag, all our papers are in the bag…. We will give you all what you ask for, just say how much!!
christ: Sorry Lady! I am not….. I want nothing…
Elana: Please!! I assure you we are not going to tell the police….
Oh sweet Lady! Why the hell should I play the little “christ” and sacrifice my money and soul for others! I am not a violent heartless thief Lady!! Please, you are killing me. I am just a little Bedouin who is trying to be normal…. I just felt so sorry for you loosing your files and emails… I know nothing of the other stolen things…
christ: Lady! I just want to give you your computer back, for nothing… and I hanged up!!
For my luck, I was working close to her home at that time. I used to work in construction with a Palestinian of the inside arabs and we were like friends. I prepared everything that night intending to take the computer with me, but it was so difficult to pass the checkpoints without being checked (and this time they will definitely think I am the theif, and probably Elana would identify my voice as being “definitely” the same thief who called her and asked her for a HUGE amount of money)… the hell, why should I take the risk? but she is a poor woman, dirty bedouin, and that was clear from her tone over the phone!! Finally, I came up into a decision to unplug the “hard-disk”: because it is easy to hide and all what she wanted was stored there!!
The next day I went to work trembling, avoiding the look of every one I pass by as if I was the real “ugly violent” thief. I was paralyzed to death to pass the checkpoints hiding the (bomb of a) hard-disk in my jacket, and I took a deep breath to pass safely but still there was the potential, regular and sudden checking of (meshteret ha tnuaa) the traffic police or the ever moving sadistic (mishmar hagvoul) borders-police, are they police or street-gangs anyway!!
Finally I got to the workplace safely and waited for the arab “boss of” friend. I called her then, from my cellophane this time, and tried to explain everything to her. She understood, in a way, but still was suspicious and said: “Sami (knew my real name by then), I don’t want to be just a comparss in your movie!!”. Dear Lady, I am not a movie director preparing a “terrorist” scenario nor nothing, I am not playing on you. I just wanted to help you for free… even the money I paid for your computer I don’t want them… I just want to get rid of the guilt I feel deep in my bones!!
She wasn’t sure of me, and she had the right not to…. but I was just a stupid… and I faked a new story for my “boss”!!
I told my arab co-worker that I want him to give this hard disk to the lady in his way home telling him that I translate some materials for her and this is the best way to pass them through a hard-disk…He didn’t believe my fake story at first, but as we called her she assured him that she wanted the hard-disk…
And he did it: he took the hard disk to that Lady (whom I never ever seen… and don’t want to, that I have killed the christ in me a long time ago…)
But still… a new killing look of my arab co-worker (of a friend) started to look at me…. he is still a friend (some long years after that story) but he still doesn’t believe the story, and deep in his heart thinks that I am a collaborator and that women was the liaison-officer to whom I pass “detailed” information stored in a hard-disk!!!
Crazy world, of crazy bedouins, of crazy arabs, of crazy zionists, of crazy homeland of Israel or Palestine, whatever!!! The hell, why didn’t I take the money I paid at least!!!
Sami, the badone.